March,17,2010 爷爷回天家了。

Still don't know how am i supposed to react to grandpa's death. I've never thought of grandpa or grandma or any one close to me would one day be gone from this earth. It's not terrifying,but a weird feeling. how can someone that i know for my entire life disappear just like that? i can't believe this,but i have to accept my loss.
I can still recall the familiar voice calling my nickname...
I can still recall his smile, how he laughs...
I can still recall the way he walks,the back i would always run to...
I can still recall how he teaches me words,poems,and writing Chinese calligraphy...
I can still recall the night I left china, he stood by the moving train,waving goodbye at me...
I can still recall how he reads me literature and explain to me the stories with his patience...
I can still recall his passion towards walking, he loves to walk to far places...
I can still recall his happiness to see me...he never gets tired of me...
everything is like yesterday,so familiar,unforgettable.
but today,he's gone.
my Abba has taken him home.
grandma said he left in peace,very peaceful.


Abba,if this is a present for my 21st birthday,i accept it and i thank you. thank you for being my everything. thank you for taking care of my family. thank you for your provision. thank you for giving me such a perfect family, i can't be more satisfied. thank you for taking grandpa home,you must miss him alot. you are my faithful father no matter what. everyday, i can't be more excited to find out your plan for me. please send Holy Spirit and all angels to serve and love on my family,fill them with peace. release the spirit of wisdom and revelation so they will understand your love for them. thank you,father.


爷爷，我会想你的。相信你现在一定很开心，很健康。等我去天堂时我一定会继续教你用电脑的，这次绝对不要生你的气了。爷爷，我知道你在笑，可我却哭的好惨。你和我说过的话，讲的道理我都记得，也请你在天上为我们祷告。希望你和耶稣可以好好相处。我真的会想你的。。。。我们天堂见。 爱你的孙女，乔。

Dear God,I want a DSLR camera for my birthday.

I'm overwhelmed by what Jacob Reeve shared about Jesus' jealousy love for us this weekend. Jesus can't wait to come and marry me. He can't wait to show me the chamber that he has spent years to build for me. Oh my God, the covenantal relationship has blown me away. I don't get it, Lord...I don't get it, who am I that am worth of your son to die for? And all you want in return is what? My life? which was also created by you. My little head is overwhelmed by this big idea of God's. Now, I can't wait to come into this covenant with you to unite with you!

I feel extremely secured, when I heard that there’s no exist plan in a covenant. For so many years, I was living under the shadow of separation. I’m physically separated from what they called loved ones, my parents and good friends. Emotionally, I don’t feel much connection with them. Separation is a lesson of life for me, says dad, one of many things you need to face in life. But one of the few things I hate to face in life. I wasn’t been unloved, nor neglected, but I was been separated. It hurt me. I was been separated from myself. I don’t like the feeling when the people I like left me physically, even for a short period of time. It makes me sad. Still remember when I was little, I would cry every time seeing my mom or dad leaves for business trip at the airport or train station. I didn’t like going to those places back then. Separation was painful for me.

God knows how I feel like to be left alone or separated. He also knows how joyful it is to be together forever. That’s exactly what he’s aiming for, to unite with me and never leave me. He wants to heal my heart by making this covenant with me, and plan to love me no matter what I do. God, I’m in. This covenant was made for me, and I like it. I can’t wait to be together with you for rest of my eternality.
I’m ready to drink the wine to response to your proposal.
Seal my heart, oh Jesus.

My God is Faithful

The Lord is faithful; He listens to every single prayer we say.

Today at Judie's baptism, I was touched by her testimony and her journey with the Lord. God reminded me how we used to pray for Judie back in 2004. I used to carry a little prayer booklet with me everywhere I go, I write down people's names and prayer requests, I remember Judie and Annie's parents used to be on my list, I proclaim in Jesus' name that one day this family will come to the Lord and worship God together. Today, God once again reminded me of his faithfulness.

 

My Father in Heaven, I can't thank you enough. Your word never fails, your love for us never ends, how many times I have disappointed you, but you never give up on me. I can't thank you enough; the word "Thank You" cannot fully describe how thankful I am.... I want to give you my life to show my thanks to you. Father, make me a lover of Jesus. How does it feel like to be in love with your son? I'm curious...Lord, I would not know how to be a real lover of my husband unless you make me a lover of your son first. I'm desperate for this love.

 

I think one of my Spiritual goals of 2010 is to know Him as a lover, to be fascinated by His love daily, and to grow in this intimate relationship; all these are the preparation of the coming of my earthly lover. <3 A 21 years old young lady deserves to learn this love!

 

By the way, as I was chatting with my girlfriend JENNININININI on Friday night at 伴伴堂, I came to a conclusion that I've grown in two major areas throughout the year of 2009.

 

1. I really tasted the bitter and the sweetness of discipleship (aka Project Elisha). Jack did an outstanding job of "pushing" us to adopt a spiritual child. At the very end of 2009, both of my disciples, Yoyo and Lina, went to Onething conference and were filled by the Holy Ghost big time. I've been discipling Yoyo for a year, Lina for about 6 or 7 months, I've never been used so much by God to touch other's lives. I'm talking about transformation of lifestyle, value system, wisdom, communication, inner life, and so much more! Give all the glory to my God!! They are filled with JOY every time hearing the name "Jesus".

 

2. Because of Project Elisha, I've learned so much about getting along with girls. For people that have known me for years, they can somewhat tell that I get along with guys very easily, but not too often with girls. I used to think the only reason girls can get along with each other is through gossip. Since I hate to gossip, so I won't ever have good girl friends. But the Lord has cleansed my eyes and wrong thinking. He opened doors for me to be real and heart to heart with the girls around me. I don't have problem sharing my heart with them at all, and they always love me with big hugs and sweet smiles. My heart was tendered by their true friendship. I love them. Grace Shan,Grace Zhou, Lina Lee, Kadie Sun, Yoyo Li,Sarah Wang,Jenni Huang, of course and my #1 hot mama + #1 realtor, Annie Wang.

 

Why are you so good to me, God? Do you know you are way better than any big good human I can find on earth!!

 

 

I love you, too.