blank

i don't know what to say..
words from people cannot affect me anymore..is that a good thing or bad thing?
sometimes i have difficulty let out of my feelings

Lord,open my ears to hear,open my eyes to see,and open my heart to feel.
A passion for learning more of you.
Help me to become a little student of you.


为什么委屈的眼泪很容易就跑出来？

I surrender.Help me to die good.

It has been a fantastic week!
I was being depressed and worried about myself at the beginning of this week, feeling ashamed of myself, and all kinds of accusation. I wasn't satisfied, don't know what I want..blah...
I’m so grateful that Ben has encouraged me with some sharp words and amazing testimonies...
Ever since 15,I'm totally ready to die for Jesus, I’ve always imagine myself being persecuted for the sake of gospel in middle east or some unreached area of the world. I can honestly say that I don't have any fear in me, i’m not afraid of death. I like what Ben said, you gonna die anyway, why not die for Jesus.
But today, God has inspired my view of dying for Jesus. What I've been thinking for the past 5 years was all about dying for God physically. But what I really need to die first is myself, the inner me. To die is to live. I need to surrender myself before the cross, and let myself die nakedly. I've been protecting or decorating myself too well before God and people, I try my best to look good outside and inside. By my own knowledge, I think what I’m doing is pleasing to God,i thought I had wisdom, I thought I’m living for Him.
But my God is a God of mercy and wisdom, He once again reminded me to just simply give up on "dressing" myself, because I’m making a mess here. Surrender myself, allow myself to die before His love, allow His hand to resurrect me, and give me strength to live.
I love you Jesus. Help me to die from the inside out, and then live outwardly by your love. I don't want selfish just want fish!!

有怪兽！

可不可以一直发呆到世界末日？可不可以不写作业？可不可以不考试？ 我在逃避吗？我在害怕吗？
Joy,你在想什么？你的感觉是什么？你要的是什么？你知道吗？
我不知道，我不知道，我真的不知道啊。。。。focus on God。。。。我怕我麻木了。小学班主任说过一个人最怕的就是麻木了，对人麻木了，对事麻木了，甚至对神麻木了。。。我好怕，我不想变成那样。。。
明明我的书就翻开在桌上，但是我偏要听广东话的歌让自己只享受音乐。。。什么跟什么啊！！
我真的想很多吗？不少，，我想的那些东西有啥用？似乎一点都没用。。。我晕死。。！！
可不可以不到当个Loser？我拜托你。。。。
什么叫接纳自己？什么叫爱自己？自己又是谁？我疯了。。。。要不要这么麻烦啊？ 有时我觉得植物人还挺被blessed的...
有没有人可以帮助我大哭一场啊？我连哭的勇气都没有。。。 很生自己的气！
到底什么时候才能学会做自己？我没有在做自己吗？我不清楚。。。。
我想找个方式发泄自己。


不行，我不可以逃避自己。一个人最大的敌人就是自己。每次在旷野时就有想回IHOP的念头，我觉得这是一种逃避！哎。。。面对自己吧，孩子。
主啊，我是很希望你能懂我的感受啦。至于我需要什么，我真的不知道。我想也就只有你知道吧。。。我不喜欢自己了。我对自己不满意！！你干嘛还爱我？？我不喜欢我的思想，不喜欢我讲的话，不喜欢不喜欢就是不喜欢！！我哪里值得你爱？你告诉我啊？哪里值得？你最好是不要沉默。。。。主啊，我不想麻木。我不想被关在盒子里，我讨厌我的盒子！！我要被得释放，我要自由！不要盒子~！！can i go deeper? can i go higher? is it possible?还有空间个我成长吗？我需要你break me,mold me,use me,fill me...我记得5年前在annie的apartment唱这首歌永远唱不够，就怕你听不到。。结果您耳朵很灵，一一的成就了我的心愿。主啊，c'mon baby one more time! 我心脏不好，给我来个手术吧。最好是心脏移植的大手术。。。我需要你我需要你我需要你！！！大医师快快来，，我在手术台等你！！！

something encouraging

宝贵的话

1. 下次如果觉得自己了不起时，试试行在水上。
   
2. 当魔鬼提醒你你的过去时，请提醒他他的未来。
3. 如果你想得到一些从未得到过的东西，你要做一些从未做过的事。
4. 若想要真正活着，得先彻底死去。
5. 不要以自我为中心，要以基督为中心。
6. 为什么我们不常向朋友提起神?因为我们不常向神提起我们的朋友。
7. 当把你的一切献给基督，因为他把他的一切都给了你。
8. 我虽不知道未来掌管着什么，但我知道谁掌管着未来。
9. 放手交给上帝，别再向神讲述你的风暴有多大，当向风暴讲述你的神有多大。
10. 能够满足人心的，是造人心的那一位。        

40 days

I want to see a breakthrough in Lina's life.

I want to see a breakthrough in Daddy's business.

I want to see a breakthrough in my relationship with Jesus.

I'm determinded to love God. Whatever it takes, however long it will be.

Matthew11:12

And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.

I need a lot of grace and prayer to do this. I can't wait to see what the Lord is about to do.

 

I wanna cry

I wanna cry

I wanna cry

I wanna cry

I wanna cry

感觉是一个奇怪的东西

可是偏偏我却要学会感觉

我什么时候可以长大？

其实我感觉自己很愚蠢

干嘛要制造出一堆有的没的？

哎....

brokenness到几时才能翻身啊？

nothing but a broken heart

I wanna leave my comfort zone just to find you

I wanna hear your voice again; to see the smile on your face

My heart is now completely satisfied

I'm not a pro at this;I just wanna love on Jesus. I wrote this awhile ago when I felt the need of a breakthrough in my life.

Thank you,Grace Shan and Kadie Sun. I love you two.

I've been encountering brokenness in my heart lately, I believe it's a good brokenness.I ask God to restore my heart and feelings, because my heart has grown cold. I want to be able to feel.

It takes a life long time to learn God's love. The Lord teaches me through demonstration, even in my brokenss, He uses me to touch other lives. He is a good Lord.

I come to you with nothing but brokenness, and you say you like it. Sometime I don't understand you, and you say you love me. No more pushing envelopes, I'm pushing myself in this time.

什么？

为什么夜深人静的时候总会想的多一些？
为什么学个西班牙语要这么辛苦？神啊，怜悯我吧。。。。
学这个东西到底是为了什么？ 可不可以圣灵直接充满我让我领受西班牙语啊？！
语言真是一个不简单的东西，让我回想起7年前刚来美国的我。
2002年7月13日
从北京出发，进安检的前一秒心里完全是无知和空白的，妈妈脸上的不舍和担心使我有点迷惑，美国长啥样？为什么都说去了美国就有出息？我转头向安检走去，鼻头突然酸了，我不敢回头看妈妈但是还是忍不住回了，她的脸湿了，挤个微笑，向我挥挥手。我马上转回头不想让她看见我在哭。就这样离开了妈妈，这已经不是第一次分离了，只是不知道这次要分5年。
到了美国看到了大姑，姑父，二姑，表哥，爸爸，还有一位从来没见过面的2岁小表妹。他们看到我时都笑了，说已经等我等很久了，可是我对着这些陌生的家人真的笑不出。这些人中，最后一次见到的是爸爸，大概也是2年多前的事了。他们带我去吃韩国豆腐煲，去的路上我第一次看到6条道的高速公路上大塞车，还有我从小就喜欢的双门跑车，我对这地方开始充满好奇。韩国豆腐煲的味道早就忘了，只记得当时对这里的餐厅好失望，每个都破破的，旧旧的，桌子椅子都是木头板钉的，和国内的相差好多。
晚上由于倒时差睡不着觉，好心的表哥跑来陪我聊天，和他讲了两个小时的话后就发现这孩子其实中文水平不行，估计将来沟通肯定有问题。从那天起，天天定时吵架。白天出去玩，晚上回家就吵架，吵完我就回房间听我的周杰伦【八度空间】。我的暑假很快就被晒没了。
开学第一天的第一堂课是体育课，走进女生更衣室，各式各样的香水扑鼻而来，恶死我了。那也是我第一次看到和我同年龄的女生都涂乳液，还有往腋下擦香香。更衣室的味道我到现在还记得。没过几天，我就去买了一瓶黄瓜味的乳液。体育课总是有个女生讲话声音很粗，听口音是台湾人。“hi,我是Joy (当时还不确定怎么发音）”。“Oh,Hi,我是Tiffany” 哇，好长的名字，怎么记得住？我用了将近1个月的时间弄懂怎么读她的名字。她刚开始对我不是特别友好，我讲的笑话她都不会笑，只是很酷的把头一转，“白痴”。我第一次听到真人版的像【流星花园】里他们讲的“白痴”。当时觉得这个女生应该很讨厌我。我常常模仿蜡笔小新说话，逗得大家哈哈笑，只有这位小姐不笑，还告诉别人我装的一点都不像。心情极其压抑。我们的课程表根本就是一模一样，3堂英文课她就坐我正对面，使我脱离不了这个酷女孩。日久生情，我们开始有同样的话题，我们都喜欢开别人玩笑，整人，用不雅的词语形容别人的短处，然后哈哈大开怀。有时被墨西哥欺负，我们就齐心的对着他们用中文开骂，然后和他说Thank you，面带微笑的走开。当时班上有个香港男生，矮矮的不过很可爱。他开始对我有好感，还一直不停的写信给我，使我每天看到他心跳都加速。我们到底有没有在一起我也不知道，不过当时的单纯是无价的。他居然两天前突然在facebook上和我讲话，还说如果现在这个女朋友不成，他就回来娶我。下线之前才发现，他果真喝多了。。。。。
8年级就这么过去了，我为自己读完了一本完全没有一颗中国字的书而感到自豪。2002年圣诞也是我第一次的祷告得到回应，从此我喜欢上了上帝。
9年级的事有点不敢回忆，整个人因为朋友压力的关系变得失去了自我。我不知道我是谁。看着比我大好几岁的朋友们我似乎很向往他们的生活。开车，翘课，抽烟，喝酒，交男女朋友，发生关系，只做自己想做的事。我对身边的一切产生了巨大的好奇，每一件事对我来说都好新鲜，我好想尝试尝试。在一年里，我跟着几个女生朋友开始化妆，一来可以显老，二来似乎可以吸引男生，然后我开始去买别人觉得好看的衣服，只要可以交到朋友，我什么都穿。再然后我被带去各样的派对，认识更多的人。国王游戏，大风吹，转瓶子，海带拳，输了就得喝酒。我的身体第一次被酒精充满，那种感觉很迷茫，头晕晕，似醒非醒的，身体不知不觉得想和男生靠近。朋友们说追求的就是这种颓废的感觉，因为这才是人生。我觉得这种感觉挺好，帮我壮胆使我做一些平常不敢做的事，然后就听到朋友的夸奖，真有种！你真大胆！我真的觉得我很酷。还是同一年，我交了一个男朋友。他是ABC。当年我14，他17。我们的一见钟情就和电影里演的一模一样，我觉得我当时就是偶像剧里的女主角。他暑假回台湾，常常写Email给我，为了他我特地申请了一个xanga账号，把我想对他说的写上去。他似乎没有像他承诺的那么爱我，我好像也没有向我告诉他的那么爱他，这可能就是爱情吧，我猜。
又是一个7月。
2004年7月 
我人生的又一个转折点。因着被圣灵充满又充满，神把我转回到了原点。他起初创造我的原点。当时15岁的我，带着一颗破到不能再破的心，伤痕累累的，被羞耻压到抬不起头的哭着来的神面前，嘶喊着要把我的生命交给主。我再也不要这个世界了，再也不了。哭到眼泪干了，哭到声音没了，哭到我不在乎别人的眼光了，哭到我没有力气哭了，神笑了。
5年了，为着祂活，真好。

我的天赋 My Gift

我的天赋不是弹琴;

我的天赋不是唱歌;

我的天赋也不是画画;

我的天赋更不是跳舞;

我的天赋是爱耶稣。

我被创造是因为要爱他，

因此，

我可以弹琴；

我可以唱歌；

我也可以画画；

我更可以跳舞。

My gift is not to play guitar;

My gift is not to sing;

My gift nor is to draw;

My gift is not to dance;

Yet,my gift is to love Jesus.

I was created to love Him,

therefore,

I can play guitar;

I can sing;

I can draw;

I can even dance.

垃圾的价值

敬拜的乐趣

There is nothing like your persence here in this place

There is nothing like your passion that steals my heart away

There is nothing like your glory falling on me

More of you,Less of me

早上上课时一直在想下课要去教会soak一下，最近越来越渴慕和神独处，哪怕只有5分钟的时间也不放过。下课来到教会发现Evan在soaking room里看卡通=  =，于是我就跑到外面去讲方言。神的同在好强，我有点抵挡不住。然后这首歌就出现在脑子，反复的唱反复的唱，虽然歌词没背完整可还是反复的唱。眼泪掉下来还是继续唱。当时心里有点堵，因为早上爸爸对我说的话，他想让我呆在pcc然后转个好学校。APU好可怜，被鄙视= =。 主你到底要怎样嘛？就痛快点说出来嘛！哎哟...

我现在很后悔没有早点学吉他。我居然刚刚从回家到现在弹了3个小时的琴，哇！用音乐敬拜神真的好美好美。我要加油，我要带我的小组来敬拜神！虽然弹到我左肩膀发酸，不过我好喜乐。

晚上捷克叔叔的一番鼓励又造就了我，他的话怎么就那么神奇？我是想通了，这辈子嫁个爱我的老公就ok了，哪来那么多条件。我相信神给我预备最好的！阿门！

我的流水账写的有够一流！赞！

耶稣，多多你，少少我。

More of you,Less of me.

INTJ

Myers-Briggs Personality Typing - INTJ

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. This sometimes results in a peculiar 'naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

by Marina Margaret Heiss (mmh0m@poe.acc.virginia.edu)

我要献祭

主耶稣，我想用我的时间来敬拜你。我一定要学会如何安排好我的时间，然后来荣耀你名。虽然我在这方面真的很缺乏智慧，但是我就是要come to you with my nothingness, 就是要和你在一起，我讨厌没有你的日子，我讨厌离开你的感觉，我要抓紧你的手，永远不放开。 求你用你喜乐的灵恩膏我，我想要被你真正的喜乐充满！请你将你对我生命中这个月的应许全部行出来，一丝都不可漏掉！！
耶稣，我爱你
~嘿嘿~

hey you!

hi guys, i know it's been awhile since last post.
wanna update couple things here with y'all.

1. i wanna say sorry to my beloved dear friend miss.JENNI!! i am so sorry,dear! i was extremely tired on monday after 4 classes! i didn't want to turn on my computer at all! so....i went to bed around 10ish~ i will definitely make it up to you!! for sho!! would you please forgive me :(

2. i got a job!! where? at a shoe store right of Soto St. and Ceszer Chavez in LA! our customers are mainly Latinos, 98% i would say! out of 98% , maybe 80% of them speak Spanish!! that's right!! joy's learning Spanish!! would knows how to say $9.99 in Spanish? i will give you a lollipop!! please pray for me, to get connected with my co-workers,and bring God's glory to that store,yeah? Marketplace ministry! :D

3. i had a dream of my super god son AUSTEN!! xixi. in my dream,he's about 1 or 2 yrs old, he looks beautifuly handsome!!hah,,that's right~ beautiful as Annie,handsome as Jack! haha,,soooo cute!! i was figuring out whether Austen looks more like Annie or Jack, guess what,he looks like Annie + Jack! haha~~ soo cute!! >3<

4. this is a bit serious! i just listened to a recommended radio station by my English professor. it's KPCC FM 89.3 it's been a week that i've listening to it, i found out that every night around 7-8pm, there's a topic about religion/beliefs, mainly to christians. It is not quite encouraging, in fact, i've listen to it for two nights, they have talked about some false things happened in a big church, so and so pastor did this and that, he led his congregation down, the church downsized from 700 people to 120. stuff like that~ and they have invited one of the board to speak in the show and ask him questions. this guy basically said couple bad things about this pastor, and how sad he is,blah blah blah. at the end, he said he will try his best to re-build the church, and give people faith and hope. HE DID NOT GIVE A PIECE OF GLORY TO GOD! it was all about how good he will be to help the church and people. BS!!!!!!
that wasn't a biggie if you compare it with today's topic!!! OMG~~ this stupid show invited a speaker his name is BART EHRMAN,who's a professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, Dr. degree in religious studies and all that jazz. He said he was a BORN-AGAIN believer of Jesus and the Bible when he was in high school. Never doubt anything about what the Bible says,blah blah~ after he read the book call God's Problem, he started to doubt about his belief. blah blah~ He's a historian, studied the Bible in Greek, found out there are so many errors and contradictions in the Bible. and now he's giving speeches all around universities of America, telling how the Bible is not true, and we shouldn't believe in God. blah blah blah ~ i was pretty angry as listening to it while driving home! gosh~ i don't know what's up with this guy, but one thing i know for sure, HE NEEDS HOLY SPIRIT!!! so i started to pray for him, pray that God's Spirit will come upon him even tonight, even i'm typing right now! i could feel anger, stubbornness, and hurt in this man's life. i'm sure he's been through tough things in church or around chrisitans. But, LORD!! have mercy!! have mercy on Bart Ehrman!! release Spiritual dreams to him! every night!!

sorry guys, my emotion got a little passionate.

go check out his website,
http://bartdehrman.com/index.htm
lay your hand on his face,and pray in Jesus name!
AMEN~


again,i've been asking this question so many times,
why in the world that most of the college professors reject Christianity, and even make fun of Jesus and His believers?

The Symbolic-Interaction Approach of Family

.
.
.

we're starting a new chapter in sociology class, which talks about family and marriage. while i was reading my textbook, a line catches my eyes.

"Family living offers an opportunity for intimacy, a word with Latin roots that mean 'sharing fear'."

If i proclaim a intimate relationship with Jesus, it doesn't mean i only communicate with him when i'm happy or feel like it, it can also applies to the times when i'm struggled with fear,trouble or temptation. As long as i'm a member of His kingdom, it is my responsibility to share my everything with Him in order to enjoy this intimate relationship which He has offered everything to me. It's time to share my fear with Him.

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i'm happy today

i'm happy today because of the testimony from Justin!
God is so good!
keep praying for Justin, and pray HARDER for Austen!!

I sense something good is coming up!
God arranged us(me,jennifer,jasmine,eric) meet up this girl named Deanna,such an amazing person with a gift of sharing the gospel. She has a heart for our school. God, send revival to PCC!

A 20 years old guy,DC, experienced Jesus healing power on campus! the bone on his lower leg was fratured for some kind of pressure. After hearing him sharing all the "religious experiences" he had, I invited our King out, and showed him what he calls"physical evidence",pretty shocking. keep him in prayer, let Jesus become his bestfriend :)


i love you, LD,Annie and godson, you guys are in my prayer <3
joy

we're back from bethel~

Another trip full of God's miracles!
LORD, i want more!!

Heal Justin,God!!

公元二零零九

Had an awesome time hanging out with family and friends! I've been tasting the love of the LORD lately,and let me tell u it's very sweet and heart melting.
My count down in my room was just great as others in Hollywood or New York. I prayed through midnight. Just like what we did in Jack's house back in 2005!! I prayed for each of my family members, my close friends, my jack and annie, and my church. I feel HOPE in the year of 2009. I believe God's gonna pour out so much blessings, provisions, love,and anoiting on His people like He never did before! and i truly receve it! AMEM AMEN!!

there goes a little clip of my cousin ~just for fun



Happy New Year~!